


One and the Same

by wolfpawn



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A+ Parenting, Angst, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Family, Favoritism, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Tumblr: imagine-loki, abusive parenting, new life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7155425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfpawn/pseuds/wolfpawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Imagine Loki Prompt from Tumblr, requested by user minidarkshade</p><p>Imagine you had a family problem similar to Loki. Your father favored you more than your sister. But you don’t like it at all. In fact, it is frustrating you and your mother. After years of fighting, your mother passed away because of exhaustion. You were always close to your mother. Now the reason that made you stay is gone, you left and took shelter at Tony’s Avengers tower. The Avengers, especially Loki, adore you cause you are always optimistic. When they are having a bad day you always lighten up their mood. Loki loves to spend most of his free time with you cause you are the happy source for him. </p><p>One day, Loki didn’t see you in the common area, he went to find you and saw you had break-down in your room. He was shocked. The room was now covered with broken furniture and broken glasses.After you have calmed down you tell him everything, about your past, missing your mother, that you blame your existence and not protecting your mother harder. Knowing that you had been through the things that he also had been made his heart ache.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Catalyst

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mindarkshade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindarkshade/gifts).



“That’s not fair.” Your sister screeched. “She was there too.” 

“But you are older, you are supposed to set the example; of course she would go if you make her think it is alright to disobey me.” Your father bellowed. 

“Benjamin, really, they are both at fault here.” Your mother tried to interject, hoping that if you were receiving punishment too, it may cause your father to calm down. 

“May, do not interfere.” He ordered. “You have to make Sam understand that she is at fault for her actions.” 

“But I am not at fault for mine, how is that fair?” you asked, trying to get you father to lay off Sam and your mother for once. 

“Sweetpea, just go and read or draw.” Your father ordered in a kinder tone before turning to Sam again, “You go to the room and stay there until morning, no dinner.” 

“What?” Sam’s eyes were wide with shock. 

“NOW!” With that, you both fled the room. 

It was always the same, Sam only needed to breathe and your father was snapping at her, but with you, that was different, you could set fire to the dog intentionally and he would blame it for annoying you by merely existing; and no matter how much you tried, no matter how much you argued, it was always the same; your father never was as stern with you as he was Sam, even when she was truly the more accomplished daughter. Her grades were better, and she was captain of her soccer team, but you looked like your grandmother, the same face, eyes, and hair colour, and so that meant your father reckoned you were more his daughter, his heir since he had had no sons. Your mother had spent close to twenty years trying to fight your sister’s corner, trying to get your father to see you as equals; from a young age, she explained to you why your father’s favouritism of you was inherently wrong, and you comprehended such easily, it was simple, Sam and you would never be equal to him, but that did not mean that you should think that too, and you didn’t, not that it mattered. But her equal treatment meant you were close to her, you were not on a pedestal, terrified of tumbling off at a moments notice. 

“It’s not fair.” Sam had tears of sadness and anger falling down her face as you went to your shared room. “It’s total bull.”

“I’m sorry Sam.” 

“Don’t,” she snapped, glaring at you. “It’s all your fault. If he didn’t love you so much, then he wouldn’t be such an ass to me.” 

“I tried to defend you, I tried to take my part in the blame.” You argued sadly. 

“Yeah, fat lot of use that was.” She growled, “you made it worse. I cannot wait to be free of here.” She declared, turning around so her back was to you as you sat on your own bed. 

“I know, I’m so sorry Sammy.” 

“Don’t call me that, you may be my sister, but we are not friends, only my friends get to call me anything but Samantha, got it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Go to hell.” 

You sat on your bed, looking at her for a while before deciding to try and make a start on that literature assignment you had been given, knowing you would take an age just to comprehend what was required, much less start planning it. 

You went to dinner; an awkward silent resided over the table as you and your mother looked to Sam’s empty seat across from you as you ate. Your father said nothing to either of you, choosing instead to stare at the financial report that was sent to his office that day. When you finished your meal, you grabbed a bread roll and rose from the table. 

“That better not be for that useless sister of yours.” Your father warned, not even looking up from his sheets. 

“It’s poppy seed, Sam hates them.” You stated, showing him the roll, which sure enough, was covered in little black dots of poppy seeds. “I just need to do my assignment, I want to get started, it’s due at the end of the week.” 

He looked up to give you a smile and a wink. “That’s my girl, getting it done before the deadline, if only Sam was as productive, off with you.” 

You smiled something more akin to a grimace at his words. It was already Wednesday, the assignment was set two weeks previous, and the procrastinator that you were, you were now being forced to cram it all in over the next two days. Sam had been set one on Monday for the following Wednesday, and not only had she done two rough planned versions, but she had typed and submitted her completed work that very afternoon. You were nothing in comparison to her, but yet, to your father, that was irrelevant. 

When you entered your room, Sam was on her phone, texting her friend, probably about how it was unfair you were left go scot-free while she suffered. 

“I got you this.” You held out the roll and some lamb you had hidden in a napkin for her. 

“I hate poppy seed.” She growled back irritably. 

“I know, but if I took any other, dad would have known it was for you and confiscated it.” You explained. 

“You won’t even really attempt to help me, scared you will get my treatment, it would do you good to see how unfair it all is.” 

“I know it is unfair Sam…antha, I don’t need to be the one at the receiving end to realise that.” 

“You don’t know anything. I swear, if I don’t get out of here soon,” tears fell again from her eyes. You were not much of a crier, you could not ever remember shedding a tear, instead; you sat staring silently at something for ages as you processed it. “I won’t ever come back.” It was clear she didn’t want to say anything more to you, so you just quietly sat reading the words on the page in front of you, but in truth, you could not concentrate, meaning you would have to ask for an extension again, meaning an automatic grade drop. Because Sam got it far worse, you never said anything, but you suffered from this as well, not that anyone seemed to realise. 

*

“It’s not fair.” 

“I know sweetheart, but there is nothing that will change it now, I have been trying longer than I should admit, and you do too, but he will not falter how he views you both.” Your mother sighed, her exhaustion clearly etched on her face. 

“Sam hates me now, she actually hates me, I am not even allowed refer to her as Sam she said.” You explained sadly. 

May gave you a sympathetic look, “She is just mad at him.” 

“Don’t you dare think that it is just him that is the problem.” You both turned to see Samantha glaring at you both. “You two are not blameless either, especially you mom.” She snapped. “You are supposed to protect us both from this sort of crap, but instead, you try to play Neutral Nancy and I suffer more. Why do you insist on treating us the same, make up for some of the inequality.” Tears ran down Sam’s face as she spoke. 

“I cannot treat you two differently, neither of you asked for this, and neither of you deserve this.”

“’Neither of us’, are you serious? How the hell is his precious little ‘Sweet Pea’ affected by any of this, other than the fact she can probably swindle a new laptop or something out of him.” the way she spat the words sweet pea made you shudder, there was hate there you had not heard before. 

“Samantha…” your mother began. 

“I don’t want to hear it, you are pathetic, you are the reason this has gotten so bad, if you were any bit of a mother to me, you would have gotten rid of his ass for the way he treats me, but since you stayed, it is clear, you love him, and her,” Sam pointed to you, “more than you could ever love me.” With that, she turned and left the room again, ensuring to slam the front door on the way out. 

May began to weep, but did so as best she could to not rouse your suspicions, but she failed miserably. “I get that she is mad, and I get that it is completely unfair, but that does not mean it is right for her to speak to you like that.” you wrapped your arms around your mother, trying to show her how greatly you loved her. 

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She admitted, scaring you slightly. “It never ends.” She wiped the tears away. “You best get to your school, you don’t want to be late, I’ll manage fine here.” 

Though she did not sound convincing, you went to leave anyway, you needed to speak with your course head to get the extension, and the journey wasn’t long enough to have time to figure out a good enough excuse. “Try and get some rest mom, you sound exhausted.” She nodded and weakly went towards the stairs to do just that. 

All day you tried to think of a solution to the dilemma of your family, but it was too difficult. Your father would not see how his favouritism was affecting Sam, and Sam would not see how her anger was affecting your mom, and in a small way, you too. Sighing, you trundled home slowly, not wanting to see anyone too quickly, you had stayed at the library as long as was possible, but you got very little study or project done, you instead had doodled and thought of the conundrum that faced you with your family. 

When you got home, your father’s car was already there, as was the one he got for you and Sam to commute to your respective colleges in; Sam had driven off without you this morning, and you knew she would have texted if she had planned to wait for you this evening. Opening the door, you were unsurprised to hear a yelling match when you entered, and it seemed everyone was involved. 

“Please stop you two.”

“It’s not my fault you’re a terrible father.” 

“You selfish little bitch.” 

Not wanting to get involved, you slipped back upstairs and went to your room, exhausted from the stress of it all. But even with your heart under the pillow, you could hear them shouting and arguing, your father berating Sam, Sam ridiculing him back, and your mother pleading for peace. 

After a while, you heard the pounding of steps up the stairs, and you knew that it was Sam. Sure enough, a moment later, the bedroom door flung open and she stormed in. “You’re here.” She seemed startled at that revelation. 

“I came in during World War Three and decided to just come here.” You explained. 

“It’s more like World War A Thousand and Three.” She huffed. You frowned, she was being friendly to you, or at least, somewhat civil, after a fight with your dad, she never was civil to you, constantly blaming you for his actions. “I am leaving.” She explained, seeing the look on your face. “I sorted it today, I am staying with Tara and Mike, they are going to let me stay on their pull out couch until I am settled.” 

“When are you leaving?” your voice was small. 

“Right now, I can’t take it anymore, I got a B in my last assignment, a B, all because he is causing me to not be able to focus, my soccer is suffering too, I’ll lose my captaincy if I can’t get my head back on track.” 

You wanted to beg her to stay, but you wanted her to be able to be happy too, and both could not happen under this roof. “Wait til he is gone to bed, I’ll help you pack the car then if you want.” 

“You want to be rid of me that bad, you’re willing to help?” she asked with a raised brow. 

“I want you to be happy so bad that I am willing to give up sleep to get you out of here without him having another go at you.” You explained. 

“Yeah well, you’ll be rid of me soon and he will have his perfect daughter and then, no more yelling.”

“Mom can’t take much more, it has her stressed to the max, seriously, it is affecting her health really badly.”

Sam scoffed, “I dare say she’ll cope with me gone too. Fine, when we hear him sleeping, then I spring this living hell.” 

And so you both waited. Another hour passed and there was no sound from outside the room but having not heard either parent go upstairs, neither of you knew what to do. The silence was broken by your father bellowing your name, then Sam’s. not sure what was going on, you both rushed downstairs to see your father standing next to the sofa, where your mother was lying, gasping for breath. 

“Call a medic.” Your sister ordered as she went to your mother’s side. “Now.” 

Not waiting for your father to move, you pulled your cell out of your pocket and called 911, giving them your address and your mother’s details. Within a few minutes, the paramedics made their way to your home and put your mother in the back of the ambulance, rushing her to the hospital, your dad going in the ambulance with them, you and Sam following behind in the car. There was an awkward silence in the car, neither of you talking, both knowing the unhopeful face on the medics as they told you what hospital she was being brought to. 

It took a while to get a space in the parking lot, and then to find out where the Emergency Room was, but in the end, your ability to orientate yourself got you there. Seeing your father’s face however as he stood in the hallway, you wished to be anywhere else but there. “Dad?” 

“Her heart gave out, they don’t know why.” His tone was flat, he was clearly in shock. “They have to do a post mortem tomorrow, they can’t say any more until then.” You just nodded silently, not able to process what was being said fully. Sam seemed far less affected. “We may as well go home.” Your father walked passed you, towards where you and Sam had come from. For a second, you looked at the room he was standing outside, the door open. She was covered by a white sheet, but you knew it was your mom; you stared at her for a few moments. “Sweet Pea.” You turned slowly to see your father coming towards you, tucking his arm around you and gently pulling you away. “You don’t need to see her like this.” 

The ride home was a blur, Sam drove, your father in the passenger seat and you in the back, something that was always a concern, you hated the back seat, it made you nauseous, but you were too far out of it with the blow of your mother’s death to even notice. When you got home, the fighting started again between Sam and your father, accusations of who was to blame, how it was the others doing. You just went to your room and lay on the bed, cuddling a pillow, falling into a restless sleep. 

Her funeral was small and quaint, something she would have wanted. You spent the whole thing in a stupor, not comprehending half of what was being said to you, but you never once wept, something that concerned your aunt. 

“Ben, she is like a shell.” She stated to her brother. 

“I know, but you remember when she was a young, she never cried if she was hurt or upset, she’s just like our mother. I often think…”

“She is not our mom, she is her own person, yes she looks like her, the blind could see that, but your daughter is her own person, and right now, I am worried for her, both of them actually. Sam looks like she is on the verge of doing something rash, something that she may regret.” 

“Samantha is fine.” He dismissed. “If she has the energy to blame me, then she is fine.”

“No one is to blame, May died because her heart was weak, no one knew it, not even her apparently,” Jessica stated, rubbing her brother’s arm. “It happens sometimes, it is a heartbreaking fact.” Benjamin nodded but said no more. 

Sitting in your room, you looked at the assignment you were given the weekend to complete. It was lying there now, to be forever incomplete, not that you were bothered by it. You hated your course, your lecturer, all you wanted was to be rid of it all. 

“Seriously, that’s what you think about now, your mother is dead and you are worrying about an assignment you are late finishing.” Sam sneered, her anger now focused on you. 

“Shut up Sam.” Your voice was monotone. 

“Seriously, you are so pathetic, why the hell does he prefer you, I’m the one with better academics, I’m the one that does well at sports…” 

“I never wanted us to be unequal, I fought to stop it, but it was no use, it will never be any use. Can’t you see, this is what mom realised, why her heart gave out, she couldn’t take anymore, and neither can I.” she scoffed at you. “None of you ever asked how it was for me in this position, and I know you had it worse, I will never take that from you Sam, but I grew up here too, I witnessed it too, and I lost my mom too. I’m done, I can’t take any more.” 

“Wait, so you’re leaving too?” 

“I’ve been getting ready to leave too, but you were too busy to notice, with mom no longer here, I have no reason to stay anymore. Maybe with me gone, he might see how much better you are. Goodbye, Sam.” You took a rucksack with a few clothes in it, and left, the assignment in the table no longer interesting you.


	2. Five Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after leaving home, life is totally different, now working for Tony Stark, you are happier than you could ever remember.

“There she is, the woman of the hour, my new best friend.” Tony Stark declared as you walked into the common area of the tower. 

You looked around for a minute between all those in the room trying to see if he was being sarcastic. “What?”

“He is referring to your quick thinking saving our collective asses from the biggest lawsuit in the world,” Barton explained, taking a large bit of a sandwich he had made himself. 

“But I cost you a million dollars.” You looked between them all again. 

“And saved me about half a billion. Seriously, what made you think to call that Hulk outburst a training exercise and get the demolition company to agree to say they asked us to do that?” Stark beamed. 

“They sort of are a tad involved in dodgy politics.” 

“It’s New York, who isn’t?” Stark shrugged. 

“And the donation?” you asked cautiously. 

“Have you seen that hospital? There are women in the Serengeti with better maternity facilities.” He shrugged. 

“Wait, why were you even in a maternity hospital at all?” you asked in confusion, the others thinking the same thing. 

“They wanted money to help fix it up about two weeks ago, I hadn’t gotten round to deciding on it.” He shrugged, embracing you in a one armed hug and guiding you to the bar. “But seriously, they actually bought it. I mean Loki seemed impressed at the way you BSed your way through that press release, and you know that guy is not easy to impress with lies.” 

“It is true.” You turned to see Thor coming into the room, “It was as though you had somehow channelled him through you to pull off such a statement without one telling sign of falseness.”

“That’s not entirely comforting,” Rogers interjected.

“I should actually get him to help me to train my poker face more.” You thought aloud, “Would he mind, do you think?” you asked the tall blonde god. 

“He would never decline you; you know that; he actually likes you.” 

“The last thing we need is the one cheerful person around here being around the most morose,” Rogers grumbled, his arms folded. 

“He is not morose, you are just rude to him so he is returning the favour.” You corrected a smile on your face. 

“You are far too bubbly, it is actually nauseating some days, I mean, I actually feel cuddly around you, that’s not right,” Barton commented between mouthfuls. 

“I love you too Clint.” You laughed, earning a raised brow from the archer, who had just put another large mouthful of sandwich into his mouth. “Well, since I am not fired and out on my ass, could you sign this cheque and I will do all the ‘isn’t Tony Stark the best’ stuff that I usually do, and you can go about deciding what to build, drink or destroy for the rest of the day.” You placed the tablet onto the counter and got the correct paperwork you needed from the pile of sheets you had in your hands and put it in front of him.

“You got a pen in that never ending bag of tricks of yours?” he asked, pointing to the satchel you kept with you to contain everything you required darting around the expansive building for the day on errands. 

“Sure thing.” You knew where they were, and handed him one, which he took, scribbling his name where needed and handed it back to you. “Like I said, you’re the best, I seriously have never looked better publically, and it is not just my physical appearance I am talking about.” He winked. 

You threw up your eyes and laughed. “Well the day I was hired, I was told the only one who could last here would have to be up for a serious challenge.” 

“Wait, I thought you said you didn’t like to be handed stuff,” Rogers noted. 

“From anyone bar my two wonderful ladies,” Tony grinned. “You know you have to share me with Pepper, right?”

“I will take this aspect of your life, that other stuff,” you waved your hand at him in indication, “She is welcome to.” 

“You love me really, deep down.” 

“Subterranean deep maybe.” You laughed, waving goodbye to the other Avengers as you made your way to the lift.

“I’ll take it.” He shouted out as the doors opened to let him in, Natasha and Hill walking out towards you as you went to get in. 

You leant in close to Natasha. “Whoever is slipping him Prozac, half the dosage, he will start getting handsy if we’re not careful.” 

Natasha gave a half smirk, “You’re talking to the wrong woman there.” Her head tilting to Hill, “But I’ll pass on the message.” 

You laughed as the doors closed, allowing the metal box to bring you down the tall building. You watched the numbers go down as you descended, thinking of everything you had to do for the afternoon when a small ping came from your phone, taking it out you smiled as you read the email. 

“Samantha Brookes is to be made the captain of the US soccer team for the 2016 Olympics in Rio.” The title read. 

It was almost five years since you left home, and Sam was after going from strength to strength. You had not spoken to her or seen her since that night you left after your mother’s funeral, but you had her name tagged so that if she did anything, you would get to read about it, and more and more, you were seeing her name light up the small screen of your PDA or phone, much to your delight. She was a junior partner in her law firm, and captain of the national team, you also read she had a fiancé now, some fancy guy that went to Harvard. You knew her community college background would have impeded her, not only in her career, but in winning over his family no doubt, but Sam was so amazingly bright and brilliant, you knew she would have done it though, with ease. 

You were still smiling at what you had just read when you realised the door of the elevator was open, and standing there, looking at you with a raised brow, was Loki. “Good news?” he enquired, getting in. 

“Yes.” You replied with a smile. “I’m going down, though, so…”

“I rather wait in this thing than stand in a hallway. I hear you were able to cover for those fools again, you are to be commended for your bluffing ability.”

“I blame watching you.” 

“I’ll take that credit.” He gave a smug grin. “So your news, dare I enquire?” 

“Just a newspaper article about a friend, they are doing well.” You explained, not going into it further. Never had you mentioned your family to anyone in the time since you left, and you had no intention of changing that. 

“You like to see all the good in the world, even for others,” Loki commented. 

“It’s annoying I know, but when life is so short, I think it’s important to try and be happy as much as possible.” You shrugged with a smile. The door pinged and opened on the floor you needed. “Have a great day Loki.” You beamed before leaving. 

The God waved farewell to you, shaking his head slightly as you walked off. The elevator brought him back to the top floor, where everyone else was sitting, speaking about how to try and prevent a repeat of what had occurred the day before. “So other than giving your overly cheerful assistant a pay rise, what else have you planned?” he asked, joining the conversation. 

“You like her as much as the rest of us, do not lie brother.” Thor chuckled. “And it is her attitude that is so endearing.” 

“She is a tad too cheerful though, I mean has anyone ever seen her upset, angry, hell even pissed off?” Barton asked. 

“Don’t think it is in her to be,” Rogers answered. “What was her childhood like?” 

“She never mentions it.” Stark shrugged. 

“Her file just states she is the younger of two children, lived with her parents before moving to New York for work and her school transcripts. She comes from Maine in case anyone is interested.” Hill replied. “B’s and C’s mostly, nothing stand out, why did you want her over the others?” she looked to Stark for a response. 

“She was the only applicant to deal with the weird things I threw at her, and look, she literally has made me look brilliant in the last few years.” 

“Well, you have sort of settled down.” Natasha reminded him. 

“Hey, the sexcapades with women was nothing in the grand scheme of things, but the whole suits, exploding homes, alien invasions things, they were a challenge, and she kicked ass.” 

“How long has she been here?” Rogers asked, realising that he could not remember a time he had not seen you around the Tower. 

“Since after the whole Stark Convention Fiasco, so what’s that, four years plus now?” 

“Just short of five.” Stark rose his glass to Romanov for her reply. 

“She has dealt with your crap for close to five years? That is some serious record around here.” Barton commended. 

“And she doesn’t seem set to quit of yet.” Stark beamed. 

“Seriously, what did she suffer before this to make this place a preferable living arrangement?” Barton joked. 

“I don’t know, and I don’t care, if it was bad, she wouldn’t be so cheerful, I am just grateful I have her to save our asses publically,” Stark commented as he went back to his plans to Hulk-proof Manhattan. 

*

“Alright, who stole the last of the coffee?” you demanded, looking at the drained coffee pot. 

“I fear it was me,” Loki admitted as he came back into the room, a mug in hand. 

“You don’t even like coffee.” You exclaimed, wondering why he had done that. 

“But there was none of that tea you mortals have, I was not left much of a choice.” He explained. 

“Seriously, you need to be taught to fend for yourself.” You shook your head, looking in the cupboard to see if there was anything to substitute with. 

“Why?”

“Because, believe it or not; you being a prince actually doesn’t really matter here.” You laughed. 

“Well, it should.” He stated indignantly. 

“Well it doesn’t, so cranky pants, you need to learn to look after yourself.” You stuck out your tongue, taking out some herbal tea you found. 

Were it anyone else, Loki would have been inclined to make a snappy retort or even get angry, but because of your cheerful and playful manner, he just gave a look of false disgust in response. “Other than preparing to try and make the inventor seem human, what else are you being forced to do today?” he asked, making conversation. 

“I have the very boring job of cleaning my rooms.” 

“You live here?” 

“Yes.” You laughed, thinking it an odd question. “Where did you think I lived?”

“I did not know, I just did not realise it was here. I thought you had an abode away from here that you commuted from.” 

“Nope, Level forty-seven, end of the hallway, that’s been my place since I came here.” 

“You do not get concerned about your safety here?” 

“I’m as safe here as I am anywhere else.” You replied, typing on your tablet, trying to reschedule a meeting with Time magazine that Tony was supposed to do, but was no longer available for. “At least here, the superheroes are close enough to help me.” 

“Or place a target sign on your head.” 

“Aw, are you concerned for me Loki?” you jested. 

“You are somewhat pleasant to be around.” He admitted. 

You froze for a moment. “Who are you and where is the God who tried to take over Midgard?” you walked over to him. “Loki, if you’re in there, I am going for help.” 

“Oh, you are hilarious.” He replied deadpan, you laughed in response. 

“Yeah, well, I like it here. I have never been more comfortable, everyone is everyone, and there are no frills and bells put on it.” 

“You say that about living in the home of an extravagant man such as Stark, he will be terribly insulted by such remarks.” 

“There is a difference between extravagant surrounds and people being irritating and false, though.” 

“That is true.” He forfeited. “I apologise for taking that tar you attempt to call coffee.” 

“Thank you.” 

“And my condolences.” You cocked your head to the side slightly. “To your taste buds, they clearly have passed on to say you drink that sludge.” 

You shook your head at his comments. “Have a nice day Loki.” You laughed. 

“And you.” He grinned in return as you left, tea in hand.


	3. Sideswiped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are aiding Stark at an event when a man approaches and confronts you, leaving you somewhat startled, a few days later, you receive a phone call that crushes you.

“It is a great honour that I present this cheque to the St Luke’s Women and Children’s Hospital.” Stark beamed as he handed the oversized cheque to the hospital’s head Obstetrician. “Your hard work is the reason women in the Staten Island area are receiving better care for both themselves and their children.” There was a round of applause from those gathered before Stark walked to the edge of the stage, his hand at the base of your back, directing you with him. “How did that go?”

“Brilliant, as usual, but then again, I arranged it.” You smirked. The billionaire chuckled. “So you are needed for a few more photographs over with the Mayor and some idiot with a hairstyle that Donald Trump would find remarkable.” 

“That’s cruel.” Tony chuckled until you pointed out who you were referring to. “Dear Jack Daniels, Don King will be after him for image rights issues.” He stated. 

“Told you.” You smiled. “Now, off you go, and don’t stick your foot in your mouth. I’ll wait here and make sure the car is ready.” 

“I’m driving.” He commented. 

“You always do.” You watched him go to the men in question and waited, checking emails and ringing GQ to ensure they were still good to go that evening.

“Excuse me.” You turned to see a man standing next to you; he was familiar, but you could not place from where noticing he was wearing a doctor's white coat with the hospital name and emblem on it. 

“If you wish to speak with Mr. Stark, I can see what I can do, but he is on a schedule.” You offered. 

“No, actually, I wanted to talk to you.” You frowned. “I know this might seem an odd question to ask, but by chance, do you have a sister?” 

You stared at him blankly. Sam was completely different to you in appearance, there was no way he could have come to such a conclusion based on any resemblance. Then you recalled where it was you recognised him from. 

“I’m Bradley Marks, I’m Sam’s fiancé. I recognise from a photo she has, and every time you are on the news to make a statement for Stark, she…” 

It did not take someone of Tony’s intelligence to figure out that seeing you on the news was not exactly the highlight of Sam’s days. “I’m afraid I have to go do my job, it was nice to speak with you, Mr. Marks.”

“Dr. Marks, I’m one of the consultants here at the hospital.” He sensed your discomfort. “Can I ask you one thing before you go?” you nodded. “Do you ever regret it all?” 

The question baffled you, causing you to stand there silently frowning for longer than you had meant to. “What?” the word came out even though your brain was still stuck as though buffering with his question. 

“Your upbringing, the way she was treated, do you regret it?” he repeated. “She still cries because of what you did.” 

“Why would I regret something I had no control over, I never wanted…” your voice shook slightly, the doctor looking at you judgmentally. You inhaled deeply before continuing, “I don’t know what Sammy has told you, but I never wanted him to be like that to her, mom never wanted it, we tried to stop it,” you saw Tony coming towards you. “Now, if you would excuse me please, I have a job to do.” You did not wait for a response; instead, you walked over to Tony. 

“So, what’s next on the…are you alright?” Tony looked at you in concern. 

“Fine.” You replied bluntly, walking passed him, not looking him in the face. 

He was going to ask you were you sure but got sidetracked by the peculiar look one of the doctors he had been introduced to was giving you. Instead of pressing the issue further, Stark turned and walked after you. When you got to the car, you got into the passenger side and stared out the window. Tony got in and looked at you for another moment, startled to see there was no hint of your usually infectious smile on your features. “Hey,” you looked at him blankly. “Do you need to go back to the Tower?” you just shook your head and looked ahead again; so he put the car in drive and wheeled out of parking lot.

After a while, your phone began to ring so you looked at it, seeing it was GQ getting back to you, you answered, trying to steady your voice, getting it back to its professional tone. When you were finished, you continued to face ahead. “They want you to know that they are ready whenever you are.” 

 

“Great, we’ll head straight over so.” You nodded. “That doctor, the one you were talking to while I was taking those photos, do you know that guy?”

“Never met him before.” You stated plainly, which was true. 

“Do I want to know?” 

“I don’t even know.” You took a deep breath, “So, GQ have some suits they want you to wear for the shoot, I told them that they all have to be okayed by you before they will be used and that there has to be a shoulder of scotch and a cheeseburger there for you when you arrive.” All you wanted to do was not dwell on the conversation with your soon-to-be brother-in-law. 

“Right.” Stuck in traffic, he turned to look at you. “You sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You know I’m here if you want to unload.” He offered. 

“Thanks, Tony, but seriously, I’m fine.” 

“Am I working you too hard?”

You had to laugh, though it was not as cheerful as your laughs usually were. “No harder than usual, I actually like working hard, it means I get to focus all my energy on something worthwhile.” 

“There is more to life than work, look at me, I make billions and have fun.” 

“You have fun making billions, and if for once, having fun didn’t include using that brain of yours, or killing it off with copious amounts of alcohol, you wouldn’t be interested.” You countered. 

“Wait, so you are saying your work is your fun? Cleaning up after my shitstorms is fun for you?” 

“I like a challenge.” You shrugged. “We need to take a right here.” 

Tony parked the car in the parking lot of GQ’s building. “That is depressing; seriously, I am depressed on your behalf that working is your fun.” 

“I’m not a depressed person, though, am I?” You challenged. “I actually am quite happy doing my job, I always wanted to work is something like this, so doing it makes me happy. I’m grateful to have gotten into it.” 

“Barton’s right, you are far too chirpy.” 

“It’s a gift.” You shrugged, getting out of the car. 

“Some would call it a curse.” He argued. 

“Difference in perspective is one of the big things in life, isn’t it?” you grinned. Stark rolled his eyes. “So remember, only one scotch before the camera comes out.” 

“Spoil sport.” 

“And I am driving back.” 

“You only want to work for me for the perks.” 

“But of course.” You laughed. 

*

 

“You seem distracted.” 

Turning around, you saw Loki looking at you. “I’m just organising things in my head.” You replied, giving a small smile. 

“You seem to forget whom you are speaking to.” Loki chuckled. 

“You are too suspicious for your own good.” You shook your head. “I have to try and sort everything in my life and Tony’s, and of course anytime you all go and make nuisances of yourselves.” 

“Do not blame me for their actions.” Loki snorted, indignant. “I am able to behave myself.” 

You raised a brow and looked at him sceptically. “I can negate that statement with one word; Peru.” 

Loki scowled for a moment. “That was Thor's doing, I was just doing clean up and it got a little out of hand.”

“You relocated the ancient city of Machu Pichu to South East Asia!” you stated in exasperation. 

“It is not my doing that there happens to be an inter-realm portal in close proximity to a tall mountain range that for some Norn’s only knows why reason your realms men built a town.” He argued. 

“Yes, well, your using your magic…”

“Seidr, not magic.” 

“Whatever, if you hadn’t have used that, I would not have had to spend five days trying to explain to the world's media as to why it was not an instant fix.” 

“Did I not do it when I stated it was possible?” he challenged. 

“It should never have needed to be done in the first place.” 

“Well, I may not be perfect, but I am better than those other fools by every means.” 

“Why do you help them if you don’t really want to?” 

“You assume I have a choice.” He growled. 

“You don’t hate them as much as you pretend you do.” 

“Do not pretend to know what I am thinking.” He grumbled. 

“You just are annoyed; they are Thor's friends, again, not yours, that is why it annoys you so much.” You stated. He looked directly at you. “Here’s an idea, stop caring, you’ll feel better about yourself then.” 

“Is that what you have done?”

“I stopped caring about what other people think, I ignore comparisons, and believe me, my life is better for it.” You shrugged. 

Loki frowned, trying to break through to the meaning behind your words. He had noticed you had a knack of not speaking about life outside of the Tower, and from what he gathered; you did not seem to have many that were close to you outside of your work “I may take your advice.” 

“It would do you good, I can assure you.” You suggested. “Have a nice day.” You gave a small smile before leaving the room, leaving Loki watching you leave. 

*

The rest of the week was a blur; work was busy with the launch of the Stark Industries next pro-bono initiative and in your free time, you were being eaten by the few moments you had spoken with Sam’s fiancé. 

You had just completed sending the requests Pepper and Tony had for their meeting with the President when your phone rang again. Thinking it was his secretary ringing you back with some issue, you did not even look at the screen when you answered. “Hello?” there was silence for a moment, causing you to frown, “hello?” 

“What did you say to Bradley?” 

It took you a moment to recognise the voice. “Sammy?”

“I told you not to call me that. I bet you ran up to him, dying to ruin my life again, but it didn’t work.” She sounded vicious on the other end of the phone. 

“I didn’t know who he was, he came over to me.”

“Liar, God, you are just as bad as when we were kids. I cannot believe you, you want no one to be happy but you.” 

“Sam, what are you on about?”

“He told me you came over to speak to him, have you been stalking me? How did you know what he looked like? He told me that you said what happened wasn’t your fault, but it is entirely your fault, don’t you see, if you didn’t look like you do, if you weren’t born, my life wouldn’t have been a living hell.” 

“Sam…”

“Go to hell, I hope that if that gaudy building ever goes sky high, you are in it when it does. I know the Superheroes will be fine, but you won’t, seriously, I hope I never have to see your hideous mug on television ever again. Get over yourself and on with your pathetic life.” And with that, the line went dead. You stared at the device in your hand for a moment, not able to comprehend what just happened. As her cruel words seeped into your head, you felt the strong exterior you had built over years of family arguments begin to fracture. Not able to deal with anyone, you went straight to your rooms.


	4. When Flood Gates Open and Walls Crumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Loki goes to speak with you concerning something, he is met with a scene he cannot truly comprehend.

To Loki’s surprise, not caring was more difficult and trying than he had thought it would be, so seeking you out for advice as how to do so successfully, he went to the common area, knowing you tended to work there, on the basis that usually, should the Avengers, or band of merry idiots as he referred to them, have cause to require a press release, it was better to be where they would conjugate before or after their expedition to get as much information as possible to make a statement, however, true of false it needed to be. However, there was no sign of you in the common area, much to his surprise, he had heard you state you were going to be there for the morning, and indeed, the satchel that perpetually seemed attached to your hip was in your usual seat, along with your tablet, which was still on, and a half drank, still slightly warm cup of coffee. 

Concerned that there was foul play afoot, he recalled you telling him that you resided on Level forty-seven and where on the floor your rooms were, so he turned on his heels and headed straight to the elevator, pressing the relevant floor button and waited. 

The hallways of the forty-seventh floor were plain, with no indication of who resided there, but he made his way to where you had stated you lived, and sure enough, there on the wall beside a door, was a small plaque with your name and title on it. Knocking once, he realised it was slightly ajar and pushed it in. the room was something akin to an office, though clearly hardly used, there were filing cabinets and a few chairs placed in a manner that indicated that it was used for interviews, but there was no sign of life. Loki was going to leave again, thinking you were not here when the wheels of an overturned office chair caught his attention. Walking over to it, he noticed it was near a door he had not realised was there. It was clear then, that you had made the front room of your rooms your office, and your private quarters resided behind it, so heading to the door, he knocked on that and waited. Again, there was no sound; confused, he turned to leave. As he took the first step, a peculiar sound hit him; straining his ears, he listened harder, sure enough; he heard another; a sound that seemed to be filled with agony, coming from the other side of the door. Terrified as to what was on the other side, he turned and taking one of his trusted daggers in hand, he burst in it, surprised to find that it was unlocked. The scene that met him startled him into standing and staring in silence. 

The room was in disarray, furniture and paperwork lay in piles of rubble around the room, feathers from the cushions floating and littering the room as though a blanket of fluffy snow around it. The furniture was broken, overturned and in no way repairable by mortal standards from what he could see, but none of that was what truly concerned him. In the centre of the disaster zone, sobbing violently, you knelt, your arms wrapped around you, tears streaming from your eyes. Stepping over the rubble, glass and wood crunched under his strong boot as he made his way to you, he knelt in front of you, calling your name gently, but you just continued to sob. Though he did not know the reason for your more than out of character behaviour, he knew you could not remain where you were, there was a small shard of wood cutting into your knee as well as fragments of broken glass. “Come on, I am taking you out of here.” He stated kindly as he lifted you into his arms as though you were as light as the feathers that littered the room. You did not notice, still consumed by anguish. 

Gently he carried you in his arms, through your rooms, down the hall, and to the elevator, pressing the required button with his elbow and held you against him, curling you in, not knowing what caused your actions; doing everything in his power to soothe you, telling you that it was only him and that whatever it was, it would be okay.

Finally, he made it to his quarters and sat you on his sofa, but as he tried to pull away, he realised that you were actually gripping onto his jacket, not letting go, your knuckles white with your death grip, so he took you in his arms again and turned to sit down himself, you on his lap, his arms cradling you against him as you continued to cry. After a while, you fell into a restless sleep, but your hands did not yield their grip on him as you did so; all the while, Loki simply tried to sooth you.

Your eyes stung when you woke, you did not even recall falling asleep, the next thing you noticed was the strong arms around you, holding you in against someone, though whom, you did not know. With your nose blocked from all the crying, you could not even smell who it is, most of the Avengers having colognes that made them distinguishable. Your whole body ached, your chest felt as though it was on fire like your lungs were wrapped in razor wire, and every breath cut them more, also your fingers felt stiff, though that made little sense also. 

“It is alright.” 

You frowned for a moment, recognising the voice. “Loki?” your own voice was slightly cracked. 

“Yes, it is alright, I took you from your rooms, they were ruined.”

“What happened?”

“Well that, you will have to tell me, for that is how I found you and them.”

“I…” then it came back to you, or what you could recall anyway. The anguish, the pain of Sam’s words, of how she wished you dead; after five years, she had not forgiven you, after five years she still hated you. “It doesn’t matter.” You sniffed, using your sleeve to rub your eye. 

“On the contrary, you have been holding onto me as though terrified for your life, in fact, you still are.” He commented, which you realised, was the truth. 

You tried to let go, but when you tried, you were overwhelmed with panic for a moment and stopped trying. “Sorry.” You stated quietly. 

“Do you wish to talk about it, often that is a remedy for such things?” He offered. 

“Why do you care?” 

Loki took a moment before answering. “Because here, no one is as nonjudgmental and optimistic as you, you have faith in me when others do not think me capable of caring in the slightest. If there is something that causes one such as you such upset, it is truly a terrible thing, and such things should be shared, for only then can you move passed it.” 

“It’s my own fault.”

“How so?”

“If I had not been born...”

“I do not follow.”

“She would not hate me, and she would be still here.” 

“Now I am utterly confused.” Loki was forced to admit. 

“I cannot tell you.”

“Why not?” 

“You will never speak to me again.”

“And why is that?” he asked raising a brow. 

“I can’t.” 

“Now I am insulted.” 

You took a deep breath. “My sister hates me, even after five years.” Loki frowned, having not known that you had a sister. “She rang earlier, telling me that she hoped that I die.” 

“What made her say such a terrible thing?” he asked kindly. 

“I’m a terrible person.” 

“No, you are not, ask any here.” 

“It’s my fault she is dead.” 

“Your sister that called you?” 

“My mother.” That struck Loki. “I am the reason she is dead.”

“Tell me everything.”

And so you did, of the fights, the words said and the times you and your mother fought for your sister in vain, of the way your father put you on a pedestal, loving you more than Samantha, how in truth, Samantha was the better daughter, of how you could not take how crushed you felt under the his adoration and her hatred, of how your mother actually understood you and the terrible position you were in, and finally of the night she died, and the terrible argument, and the last conversation you had had with your mother that morning, where she told you she loved you and were both important. And all the while, Loki listened, not saying anything, not giving any indication for you to stop, so you didn’t. 

When finally, you came to the confrontation with Sam’s fiancé earlier in the week and then her phone call earlier that day and its content, he held you closer to him. “You really think any of this is your doing?”

“Who else’s could it be?” 

“Your father’s, your sister’s and in some part, your mother’s,” he answered. “Your mother had a duty to get rid of your father for how he treated your sister, your father should never have treated you both in such a manner and your sister should not treat you in such a manner when you clearly tried to help her.” 

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Why do you think I would hate you?”

“Because I am just like Thor.” 

Loki erupted in cold laughter. “You are nothing like Thor, that comparison is beyond ridiculous.” He stated. “Thor never stood up for me, he never tried to take some of the blame, you tried.” 

“Not all the time, sometimes I would just hide so I would not have to deal with it.” 

“That is understandable,” Loki admitted. “How are you so bright and optimistic if this is what you had growing up?” 

“I was just so glad to be free.” 

“That too is comprehensible.” 

“But to be free, my mom had to die.” 

“That was not your doing.”

“But if I was not born…”

“You wish to compare stories, I will beat you any day; the day Frigga was killed, the beast that killed her passed my cell, I told him how to get out of the cells, he went and killed her, I really am the reason she is dead.” 

“Did you know he was going to kill her?”

“No, I did not; I thought he was going after Odin.” 

“Would you have told him if you had known?” 

“Of course not.” Loki seemed appalled by the mere idea. 

“Then in truth, it was not your doing.”

Loki paused for a moment, thinking of what you had said. “Then we are equal, partially to blame for our mother’s deaths in our own minds.” 

“I really miss her.”

“I can appreciate that sentiment.” 

You felt exhausted, having unloaded everything in such a manner. “You know, I never told anyone else here any of that.” 

“I will not reveal anything to any of them.” He promised. 

You yawned, curling in against him as tiredness took over and you began to drift back to sleep. “Why do people think you are so bad Loki? Your actions were, but you’re not.” You mumbled as you drifted off. 

“I wish they all thought that little one.” He sighed to himself. When he was certain you were fully asleep; he gently lifted you up and brought you to his room before placing you on the bed, putting a spare blanket over you before leaving the room. He closed the door gently to ensure not to wake you before going to the elevator to go to your floor once more to begin cleaning up. When he got there, he was somewhat unsurprised to see the Avengers were in the front area of your rooms, seeming somewhat panicked. 

“There he is.” Barton snarled on seeing the God. 

A moment later, Thor had him held against the closest wall by the throat, Mjölnir in his other hand, “What have you done?” he roared. 

“What are you doing you imbecile?” He snarled back as best he could with a burly hand around his throat. 

“Where is she?” Stark demanded, one of his propulsion blasters aimed over Thor's shoulder at him. 

“Asleep.” 

“Explain. Now.” Rogers ordered

“I fear I am not a liberty to do such,” Loki replied nonchalantly. 

“Brother, I am not in a gaming mood.” 

“I had nothing to do with that,” he indicated to the other room, where Romanov was still standing in the door of, “and I removed her from it because of the risks of injury it posed to her.”

“How did it get that way so?” Rogers demanded. 

“From what I gather, she did it.” 

“You expect us to believe the happiest, most bubbly person in the whole of North America, did that?” Stark scoffed. 

“When she was at the hospital with you the other day, she had a conversation with a man, did she not?” The billionaire looked at the God, not saying another word. “She was upset after it, was she not?”

“What do you know?” 

“That encounter, coupled with a phone call today caused her to relive something she had buried behind that façade she keeps, they cracked through it, and she could not control it.” 

“You expect us to believe a man and a phone call caused her to do this?” Barton scoffed. 

“No.” those gathered looked to Tony. “She really was shaken up by what that guy said, she stopped talking, and she looked fit to break into tears.” 

With Tony’s confirmation, Thor released Loki, who rubbed his neck for a moment. “Her personality is a stark contrast to her life before here, and that is all any of you are privy to unless she chooses otherwise.” He growled, walking into the room and immediately setting about using his seidr to repair everything within it. 

“Stark?” Rogers looked to him, “You’re sure this is alright?”

“Hey, private rooms aren’t recorded, all I got from Friday is that Loki came in and brought her out, nothing more, he was only in there less than a minute.” 

“That is enough time to do that damage, he has fixed it in half that.” 

“I can hear you.” Loki barked. 

“I actually believe him, you didn’t see her the other day, she was like one that had seen a ghost.” Stark reiterated. “Friday said she is in his rooms, but that is easily confirmed.” 

“If any of you cretins think you are going to my rooms unattended, you have another thing coming,” Loki growled coming back out but holding fresh clothes for you also. 

“Fine, Sparky, you go with brother dearest and confirm his claims, intercom us if there is a problem,” Stark ordered. 

“Of course, Loki.” Thor indicated for Loki to take the lead. Scoffing again, Loki walked forward and passed his brother. They went into the elevator and pressed the button for Loki’s level. “What occurred Loki?”

“I do not fully know.” He replied, looking straight ahead and not to his adoptive brother, who was looking at him. “What she explained to me after, I am not going to divulge, it is her story to tell.” 

“Why you, though? Why tell such things to you?”

Loki rounded on Thor, anger etched in his features. “Perhaps because I was the first one she saw after, the one that took care of her.” 

Thor stared at him open mouthed as he disembarked the lift, “You took care of her?” 

“Why do you think I have damp stains on my leather?” he asked, as though stating the obvious. “She was crying, actually, I think it more accurate to state she was sobbing.” 

“She never cries.”

“Hence the ability to recognise the severity and magnitude of her situation.” Loki snarked. “Now, be quiet, she is more than likely still resting.” He ordered as they entered the rooms. 

Still not fully able to compute Loki’s words, Thor did as requested and remained quiet as he went through Loki’s living area and to his sleeping quarters. There, on the bed, you lay, your face blotchy and red from crying, and your hands firmly gripped to the pillow. 

“Satisfied?” Loki whispered before going to the bed and slowly peeling back the blanket so to assess your wounds. He used his seidr to call forth the medical supplies required to tend to your cuts and grazes, before using it again to magically dress you in the clothes that he had acquired from your rooms. “She just needs to be left to rest.” He stated as he and Thor made their way to the living area once more. 

“I cannot comprehend this.” Thor shook his head in confusion. 

“That is nothing unusual; you can hardly comprehend most things,” Loki replied in a dismissive tone; Thor look set to argue but he raised his hand and silenced him. “Do not dare wake her.” He warned. 

“Why do you care?”

“Because before she was a welcome change from everything here, happy, optimistic, but now, I see she is far more akin and familiar.” 

“That is a cryptic and concerning statement, even for you Loki.” 

“I will do nothing to harm her, which is all you need concern yourself with.” 

Though still uncertain, Thor felt the need to report to the others that you were indeed safe. “When she wakes, make sure she eats and drinks.” 

“Because of course, I would never have thought of such on my own, seeing as I am positively moronic.” Loki rolled his eyes. Not wanting to get into an argument, Thor simply left, leaving Loki to just wait for you to awaken.


	5. Conflicting Views of Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You recall everything that happened in your rage, and when you talk about it, it leads to a difference of opinion between you and Loki.

Your dreams were nothing but a loop of the worst moments of your life; you shook with anxiety from it all, your breakdown coming back to you as you did. As you fled the outside world and made your way to your rooms, the phone call from Samantha repeated itself over and over in your head, causing you more and more distress, by the time you got to your little office, you blew passed your office chair, which fell to the floor with a cushioned thud and fled into your bedroom. Staring at the room around you, your chest felt as though it was going to explode, it hurt so much; it felt as though you could not even breathe. Not thinking straight, you looked at the phone in your hand, the item that has inadvertently caused your unexpected heartache, you looked at the glass like screen for another moment before the offending item felt as though it weighed a tonne in your hand, so looking to the far wall, you raised your hand and threw it with all your strength. There was a cracking sound as it collided with the wall before different parts scattered different directions, and the phone fell to the ground, smashed to pieces. For a moment, you felt almost satisfied, and after that, it seemed everything happened with you standing watching yourself as you took different items off your dresser, and threw them also, when that was emptied, you threw the drawers from it out and threw them, clothes and all against the nearest wall, before moving onto different items of furniture. The sounds of clothes being torn and even the moment you noticed the window now donned a large crack on it gave you great satisfaction. 

Loki watched you rest, noticing your lips twitch, your brows furrow and your limbs jolt slightly every so often, telling him that though you were resting, you were still reliving everything that had caused you such distress. He hated situations where he felt of little use, and this was one such circumstance, he knew there was nothing he could do for you, so he could only wait for you to wake again and see if you needed to speak about it once more. He had seen the damage you had inflicted on your room, he felt it as he repaired the furnishing, some still lay in shards, the damage so great that he had no idea what they originally looked like, he knew the anguish you had felt, having felt it in there. What you had told him went around his mind, your upbringing, how you had been favoured, and how it had affected you so badly. A small scoff left his mouth, Thor never tried to be as valiant as you, trying to get your father to treat you and your sibling equally, he had allowed the favouritism, after all, it worked to his advantage. How you had turned into one so optimistic, he could not fathom; on one level he was envious, he had not tried so hard to let go, he still held onto some of his anger, and that caused him more upset as he watched everyone become happier around him while he remained miserable, but you, you had had fought so hard to be happy. It irked him how your sister had gone out of her way, her and her significant other to make you feel bad again, trying to make you relive it all, blatantly jealous of your success. He decided to look up your sister, he knew your surname already, and you had stated her name was Samantha, there could not possibly be too many around with that name that resided in the area of the US that the Tower resided in, so taking one of the many electronics that were littering Stark’s abode, he typed the name in and waited to see what he could find. It did not take too long to find her, he noticed she was different in appearance to you, and she had strived to achieve a lot; he also found her other half; there was not much he would not trade to come face to face with the cretin that had thought it wise to treat you in such a manner, he had little doubt the pompous mortal would not be so scathing were he to come face to face with a God, he wagered that he would be very quick to apologise, as would your sister, he growled slightly to himself as he read a bit more on her.

The peculiar sound that emitted from somewhere in the room startled you awake, jumping slightly, you tried to sit up. “What happened?”

“Nothing, rest more.” Loki tried to soothe, cursing himself for waking you. 

“No, I better get up and try to clean my room before anyone sees it.” You finally got yourself into a sitting position and made to get out of the bed. 

“I fear that has come to pass already,” Loki admitted, causing you to look at him in terror. “I told them nothing, but they are not going to hold back their demands for explanations; I also fixed what I could.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” 

“No, but I wished to.” 

“Why?” he frowned at you. “I mean I am totally grateful and everything, but why would you do such a thing for me, you should hate me.” 

“How so?”

“I am just like Thor; I am to Samantha what he was to you.” 

“We have danced this dance already you seem to forget, I do not class you as the same, for he did not come to my aid, you seem to have persistently coming to your sister’s.” 

You shook your head. “No, you are supposed to be angry with me, hate me even.” 

“I think you are wrong, I do not hate you.” 

“Why, though?” You felt the anger rising in you again, the uncharacteristic tears not coming to the fore once more, much to your relief. “I am supposed to be everything you despise.” 

“I fear you have the wrong Brookesdottir there, I despise your sister for making you so upset.” 

“Then you are a hypocrite.” 

“How so?”

“You dislike her for hating me, yet you hate Thor for the exact same reason she hates me. She and you are similar, she, like you, has held onto her anger, you are so alike, sometimes being around you reminds me of her.” 

That hurt Loki somewhat; it was an ugly truth he had not thought to consider. He had thought himself better than your sister, but in truth, with your words, he realised they were alike. “There is an argument for that, but there is a pivotal difference here is you are not like Thor, and there lies the difference, you are not deserving of her treatment of you.” 

“I think you’re wrong.”

“And I know you are.” Loki countered. You gave a small huff of a laugh at the cocky manner in which he stated that. “You do not deserve what has happened you, you need to know that.” 

“I really don’t know.” He sat in close beside you, and instinctively, you leant against him. “Loki, will it ever stop hurting?” 

“I do not know.” He answered honestly. 

“Do you know I never had a boyfriend all this time?” 

“I had noticed a severe lack of suitors.” He admitted. “It is highly uncommon for one so popular and bright to be without them.”

“I couldn’t. I was so scared I would…I am not sure what I was scared of, but I was worried that I would repeat the past in some way, and that I would be hurt again, hated by someone I love.” You explained, staring at your hands. 

Loki looked at you sadly. “I fear you will have to risk pain to live.” 

“I know, but it is terrifying.” 

“I agree.” 

“I mean, there is a saying here, once bitten, twice shy.” 

“That makes sense.” He nodded. “I feel somewhat similar.” 

“You mean you don’t want to feel love?” you looked at him in interest. 

“There was one person I loved, and because of me, she was killed. One moment of mischief to annoy Odin and Thor, and I killed my mother.” 

“You didn’t know, though.” 

“That can never erase the pain of what happened.” 

“So we are both broken.”

“I am not broken,” Loki growled indignantly. 

“Yes, you are.” You scoffed, he did not argue again, leaving you both to sit in silence a little longer. After a time, you gasped. “My room!” 

“Do not fret; I stated already that I have sorted it.” 

“But the others, I cannot deal with them.” You asked fearfully. 

“Worry not about them, they will want answers, but they are not obliged to be given them, not if you do not wish to.” 

“Are they mad?”

“I would call it concerned.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever for?”

“Because I know, no matter what, they would have blamed you in some way.” 

“They thought it was my doing, it is true, but that it because they are blind to the suffering of others, or at least all but Stark is, he knew you have been upset of late, though not why. Who would have thought, the more self-centred person here was one of the only ones to notice your anguish.” 

“Tony is the best really, he is actually very sweet behind the sarcasm, he uses it as a shield.” You smiled. Loki frowned slightly. “You’re the best too.” 

“That is not possible, for only one can be the best.” 

“Yes, you can, at different things.”

“I am the best of everything.” 

“Are you the best at being a Midgardian sarcastic yet caring ass?” you smiled. 

Loki thought for a moment. “I will concede it is not possible for me to be that.” you laughed. “I should be offended, but at least you are smiling.” 

“You really are the best Loki.” You leant into him again. 

Loki was about to answer, when the door opened, causing you both to jump slightly. “Loki, you are needed immediately.” Thor beckoned, looking between you both awkwardly, realising that you were sitting very close together, causing him to simply stare.

“I had best see what the morons want.” Loki rose to his feet again. “I will check on you again soon.” He stated as he went to leave. 

“Thank you, again.” He turned to look at you and nodded in acknowledgement of your comment, leaving you looking at the door for a moment before looking at Thor. 

“You are feeling better?” Thor asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure of what he had just walked in on. You just nodded in return. “Good. Can I ask…?”

“I just had a bad week.” Thor raised a brow at that. “Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say I had the worst week humanly possible.” 

“You need not explain any further, just remember, that though not all of us can comprehend what you may be experiencing, we actually care, and are here if you need us.” He gave a kind smile. 

You gave a forced one in return, forcing yourself not to laugh at his comments with regards not understanding if he only knew. “Thank you, and sorry for scaring you all.” 

“It is because we care, Stark especially.” 

“Tony is like a coconut really, very hard shell, but so soft he is actually liquid on the inside.” You shrugged, causing Thor to chuckle. “You know it’s true.”

“Hence, my not correcting you.” He smiled again before his face became a slight bit more solemn. “Do you wish to return to your rooms?”

“Maybe in a minute, I just need to get myself together for another moment.” Thor simply nodded and left you alone, looking around Loki’s room. 

It was very sparsely decorated, a few books and one or two ornaments; one which looked like a peculiar tree, as well as a horse with eight legs. You did not touch anything, but you studied them intently for a few minutes. Thinking you had spent enough time there, you turned and made your way out of the room, which thankfully had a similar layout to your own, except instead of an office, Loki had a sparring room. 

The elevator journey to your room was not overly long, so you had barely begun to think of everything you had to do when you realised you were staring at the hallway to your floor. Walking out, you noticed some flat pack boxes on the floor open in the hallway, and the sound of a drill whirring in your office, gently pressing against the door; you stood watching as Stark sat on the floor, drilling pieces of wood together. “Eh, what are you doing?” you asked, looking around.

“Well since you went Hulk-esque on us with whatever it was that caused you to go loop-di-loop, and ‘he of glorious lack-of-purpose’ was not able to fix everything, I am building you a new bedside locker and a chair to sit that creepy ass teddy in.” Tony shuddered as he referenced the teddy your mother had had since she was a child, one of the only things you had taken from your family home the night of her funeral. 

“Don’t diss that, it is really important to me.” You scolded. “And you did not have to do this.” 

“No, but I wanted to.” He answered. “Though, can I ask, what in the world is so bad to make the epitome of ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ herself go berserk?” 

“Honestly…”

“Is it anything to do with that doctor from the hospital?” You winced at the thought of Samantha’s fiancé and his horrible words. “That’s a yes then.”

“I just had a shitty part of my life dug up, lies added and then thrown at me without knowing it was coming, so I got sort of side-swiped.” You explained, praying that would be enough to sate his curiosity. “Then there was a phone call that turned it into a double whammied and I lost it.” 

“Yeah, those hits out of left field can be a bitch.” He nodded. “But you're good now; I mean, you’re back to your optimistic self?” There was clear hope in his voice. 

“I nearly am.” You gave a small smile. “I will be soon; I just need to get on with it.” 

“Good plan.” He agreed before getting serious again. “I forgot to mention, the good Cap and the terrible Loki are off to Bermuda, apparently there is some form of magic that can’t be explained going on there, so that is coming for us in the press.” He explained before eyeing you carefully. “Are you able for this now or will I get someone in to cover you?”

“No, I can do it.” You confirmed. “I will have a statement ready, or at least I will when I get a phone sorted.” 

“Good stuff. Oh, and remaining on the topic of the Daddy-Issues riddled God, what is the deal with you two? I mean, you’d get on with your own reflection, but he went all protective BFF on you after everything after the little ‘episode’.” Stark explained. “Unless you two are more?” there was a look of awkward concern with that question. 

“No, we are not.” You scoffed at him. “Loki is just really easy to talk to, and actually tries to comprehend things I say to him. He knew my woes and actually understood me. It was everything I needed.”

“Right.” Tony looked at you sceptically. “Well as long as you don’t forget me.” He winked. 

“I don’t think there is much fear of that.” You laughed, shaking your head. 

“Well then, I will let you get your work sorted here as soon as I have this sorted.” 

“Thank you, Stark.” You grinned. 

“Hey, what happened to Tony, see this is where it starts, a quick slip of the tongue and then, before long, boom, I am cast out.” He stated dramatically. 

“You’re an idiot.” You laughed. 

“Your idiot, though.” He grinned, winking again as you walked into the other room to get your tablet, rolling your eyes at him.


End file.
